Still miss you, Aaron! Happy Birthday! 🤟🏼🎵
Sometimes life hits you with devastating news, so now you’re left with dealing with that along with the other things life is throwing at you.
There’s really nothing you can do other than to keep moving. Thoughts are going in different directions at a 1000 mph, it’s hard to breathe, and everything is all so overwhelming.
It’s frustrating. It’s tiring.
You’re constantly trying to remind yourself it’ll all be okay in the end. It will be okay. Easier said than done. Those are just words. Sometimes words cannot calm emotions.
Just have to keep going.
So much urgency in the world – seems like there is no time left to catch a breather. Rushing from one side of town to the other to make it to the next thing on the to-do / to-be-at list. So many thoughts running through my mind – thinking of what I could have done better for what just happened, thinking of all my tasks left on my to-do list. Not really focusing on what is happening right now, in the present *BOOM*, there goes my side passenger rear. Always something. Home appliances breaking, car maintenance, doctor appointments, on top of regular bills.
Can’t please people no matter how much time and effort invested into a project. Clients will complain and criticize. Clients are unsure of what they want so they need to find someone to blame and point the finger. Clients won’t give you the time and support that is truly needed to succeed.
My efforts are enough and I’m slowing down. If my efforts are not appreciated, then fine. Boundaries need to be put in place. We all have limited time to live, and I plan on enjoying the rest of mine and what I have left.
It’s interesting and relieving (in a way) to finally understand these feelings, emotions. I reflect and realize that I’ve had this sadness inside of me since I was a kid.
- I remember hearing that I would be okay, having tons of fun and then all of a sudden breaking down.
- I remember hearing how quiet and shy I was, and forced to say hello or have a conversation when I didn’t want to.
- I remember wanting to be alone in my own space.
- I remember forcing myself to be more “outgoing” to try to fit in.
- I remember witnessing others getting frustrated because I would take forever to answer the phone or respond back.
Finding myself, unlearning habits and behaviors is such a life-changing experience. It’s so crazy how brainwashed you get growing up from traditions and external influences. Better late then never to realize what jives and what doesn’t.
It’s been repeated to me multiple times, lately, that I’ve been living outside of my heart. I don’t disagree. I care and worry about others too much. It’s time I care for myself, because it’s clear that the only person who can save me… is me. I put time and effort to pull others out of their darkness, that when it’s my turn… it can’t be reciprocated.
As I’ve said and lived by for awhile now… it’s fine, I’ll just do this all by myself.