It’s interesting and relieving (in a way) to finally understand these feelings, emotions. I reflect and realize that I’ve had this sadness inside of me since I was a kid.
- I remember hearing that I would be okay, having tons of fun and then all of a sudden breaking down.
- I remember hearing how quiet and shy I was, and forced to say hello or have a conversation when I didn’t want to.
- I remember wanting to be alone in my own space.
- I remember forcing myself to be more “outgoing” to try to fit in.
- I remember witnessing others getting frustrated because I would take forever to answer the phone or respond back.
Finding myself, unlearning habits and behaviors is such a life-changing experience. It’s so crazy how brainwashed you get growing up from traditions and external influences. Better late then never to realize what jives and what doesn’t.
It’s been repeated to me multiple times, lately, that I’ve been living outside of my heart. I don’t disagree. I care and worry about others too much. It’s time I care for myself, because it’s clear that the only person who can save me… is me. I put time and effort to pull others out of their darkness, that when it’s my turn… it can’t be reciprocated.
As I’ve said and lived by for awhile now… it’s fine, I’ll just do this all by myself.