Growing up, you will learn and be accustomed to behaviors and reactions to positive and negative situations. These will eventually become “the norm” throughout life.

These traits will subconsciously be apart of you and will positively or negativity impact you and others accordingly. Some traits inherited can be so toxic that you are oblivious to until it breaks you down and tears your life apart.

Sometimes you have to take a step back, take a break, and reset for the better. These moments are so mentally and emotionally demanding, but crucial to continue bettering yourself.

Sit through the feelings. Fighting them and pushing them aside will only make matters worse. Drinking to hide the feelings will only prolong the time to take life to the next level up. Drinking enhances the feelings and negative impact.

Take the time and energy to sit with the feelings. Figure out the cause of the feelings. Determine alternative approaches to the cause. It’s okay to make mistakes. The only thing you can do is learn from them and be patient with yourself.

Take it easy.

Breathe.

Clear your mind.

Stay strong.

Keep fighting.

It will be okay.

Filled with hesitation and self-doubt, the past year has been the toughest of years thus far. (And to think there are many more years and life lessons to come 😅)

Every one is dealing with their demon(s) and doing their best to keep going. It’s important to understand where your support lies – they are the greatest that will ever come into life.

Something pulled the “demonic mindfuck” trigger last year and it’s been one hell of a ride. So far. Through it all, I’ve become closer friends with great people, I’ve learned to focus on the bigger picture/main goal more, and I’ve learned to be less stubborn and stuck on an idea or thought and letting things go.

Of course, that’s not the end of self-improvement and there are many other things I need to work on.

A few things brought to my attention:

1. Apparently I put myself up for failure before even trying. I need to learn to be more self-confident and have more faith in myself.
2. My average screen time this week is about 8.5 hours a day, with a total of 33 hours and 30 mins the entire week. “To think if you put that many hours into something, how great you’ll be” Yeah, but I enjoy playing these phone games 🙂
3. I care a lot about my loved ones (family, close friends). Always on my mind, hoping things are going well for them. I reach out – but ya know, we don’t wanna bring others down so we only speak of the positives. I enjoy hearing what’s really on a person’s mind and have those deep conversations. I appreciate a person being an asshole but being their real selves, rather than a person being nice but fake. Just be your true, natural self.

It’s been such a rollercoaster going through these “demonic mindfuck” waves. I know there’s more to life than drowning in them. Breathing and finding projects to occupy myself to pull me out of the current.

Hey kid, don’t quit your daydream yet
I know you feel locked out in the cold
Seems like you’re lost and alone
Hey kid, don’t listen to your head
It only fills you with dread and with doubt
Left lookin’ for an easy way out

These thoughts keep yelling,

Leaving me broken.

Everything is changing,

Leaving me with confusion.

This fight is ever so exhausting,

Leaving me restless.

This struggle is a yearning,

Leaving me thinking.

Will I ever make it to the other side?

Will I ever make things right?

I don’t know.

I will keep trying,

For you and myself.

I know you believe I can,

The struggle is convincing myself.

I can.

I will keep fighting.

I hope everyone has a great 4th of July! I’m lucky enough to see my parents, and to hangout with friends with Vince and Delilah all in one day.