Demonic Mindfuck

Filled with hesitation and self-doubt, the past year has been the toughest of years thus far. (And to think there are many more years and life lessons to come πŸ˜…)

Every one is dealing with their demon(s) and doing their best to keep going. It’s important to understand where your support lies – they are the greatest that will ever come into life.

Something pulled the “demonic mindfuck” trigger last year and it’s been one hell of a ride. So far. Through it all, I’ve become closer friends with great people, I’ve learned to focus on the bigger picture/main goal more, and I’ve learned to be less stubborn and stuck on an idea or thought and letting things go.

Of course, that’s not the end of self-improvement and there are many other things I need to work on.

A few things brought to my attention:

  1. Apparently I put myself up for failure before even trying. I need to learn to be more self-confident and have more faith in myself.
  2. My average screen time this week is about 8.5 hours a day, with a total of 33 hours and 30 mins the entire week. “To think if you put that many hours into something, how great you’ll be” Yeah, but I enjoy playing these phone games πŸ™‚
  3. I care a lot about my loved ones (family, close friends). Always on my mind, hoping things are going well for them. I reach out – but ya know, we don’t wanna bring others down so we only speak of the positives. I enjoy hearing what’s really on a person’s mind and have those deep conversations. I appreciate a person being an asshole but being their real selves, rather than a person being nice but fake. Just be your true, natural self.

It’s been such a rollercoaster going through these “demonic mindfuck” waves. I know there’s more to life than drowning in them. Breathing and finding projects to occupy myself to pull me out of the current.

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