Independence

I miss the days when I used to be more independent, when I had more self-confidence, when I had more self-worth. I used to believe in myself more. How did I lose faith in myself?

I enjoy having people I can go to for support, but over the years I have lost myself and depended more on others for validation. I work so hard to prove to my parents and manager that I am good enough and worth it. However, it seems like no matter how hard I worked or what I did, it was never enough.

I changed who I was to appease them. I shouldn’t have had to change. I shouldn’t have lost my independence, self-confidence, or self-worth. I am who I am. I can change for the better, but shouldn’t have to lower my standards.

Almost 2 months of rebuilding myself and realizing that I need to care less about others. That’s not who I am though. I care a lot about others and put them above me. It’s why this is such a struggle for me. I should stand up for myself, but feel guilty doing so sometimes.

I want to be “okay” again. This so-called new chapter is such a struggle. In reality, I’ve been struggling for awhile and haven’t done anything about it until recently (early summer).

“You can be whoever you want to be now.” What if I don’t know who I am anymore?

“I’m proud of you for all the hard work you have been doing on yourself lately.” Why can’t I feel the progress?

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s